When You're Expecting...

So we are expecting our third child this year. Originally, we thought that it would be late July for the arrival date but it's looking like it could be a little later than that. if you haven't seen the announcement video then click here. I am realizing that the closer we come to having this baby, them more things pop into my head about this baby.

Ashley and I started dating when Audrey was 10 and Addison was 5. That basically goes to say that I was invited to the party that is their lives until 5 and 10 years after they started (selfish). I have had several different guys whom I have known for a while notify me that they and their wives are expecting daughters and that they'll be contacting me about advice on what to do when raising daughters. My response is that I can't but that I will be happy to as soon as the daughter turns 5.

This goes to say that I'm pretty much in the dark when it comes to this baby being born. We won't know the gender for another couple of months. Obviously, I will love this child unconditionally no matter what, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't pulling for a boy. Having 3 girls who are the opposite of tomboys tends to get kinda lonely on the testosterone end of things. The only other boy in the house besides me is our year old boxer puppy who is possibly the worst behaved dog ever. Addison just came in here 10 minutes ago to notify us that he had jump up on her bed and peed in it. Needless to say I'm the only appreciated male in this house and we could use one more. However, a healthy girl would be a total blessing beyond my wildest dreams. There will be a lot of estrogen in the house if this happens, but I am already preparing for it. I have been watching a lot of the tv show "Last Man Standing" starring Tim Allen to help prep for what could be to come. The show is about a manly man who lives with his wife and three daughters. I'm not exactly like Allen's character but some of the scenarios in the show do happen in my house. It's fun to watch and relate to on some level.

I am setting a lot of expectations for this kid and even more expectations for myself. This is very likely going to be the only child that Ashley and me have together. Something that I am making it a point to do is to gratify the girls through this. It is imperative to me that they do not think that I am partial to this child in any way. I love them just as much as this baby and that will never change. I also want to do all of the things that a good dad should do. I want to always be there for the kid. I want to help pick him/her up when he/she falls, I want to teach and discipline him/her. I want to teach the child how to ride a bike, tie a shoe, a dribble a basketball. I need to also convince myself that this isn't entirely realistic. Something that I have learned in being a dad to Audrey and Addison is that I will fail in parenting this child at times, just like I have with them. This doesn't make me a bad father or a bad person. It simply proves that I am human and make mistakes and this leads me to the biggest expectation that I have for myself: I want to admit my faults to this child. I think that this is something that parents can sometimes miss. It's something that can cause a kid to be very stubborn down the road if this becomes something that the kid never sees.

James the brother of Jesus said to confess our sins to one another and I think that this includes our kids. Now don't read this as me telling you or anyone else how to parent. Hopefully it's something that I look back at and use for myself in trying to parent and raise kids. My goal is to raise a child in Christ and when I fail at that, which will inevitably happen, I plan on admitting the fault and making it a point to do better.

The One Year Mark

So I'm catching up after a long break from writing. I'm discovering that this can be therapeutic for me amongst other things. Something that I want to do more this year is write more. I still plan on reflection more than anything else because I'm the last person that should be giving marriage or parenting advice because I don't have it figured out by any stretch of the imagination.

This past September, Ashley and I (and the girls for that matter) hit the one year mark. I can't help but be blown away that God has put these three amazing girls in my life. They have been the one of the greatest challenges of my life and I mean that in a very good way. I'm discovering that the greatest challenges in life also double as the most rewarding things in life. I think the top of that list is my relationship with God. It is by far the most rewarding because I think He's the source of all of my other rewards. 

My family and I have had some amazing times together. We took up camping, drove 13 straight hours on a road trip to my original hometown of Brentwood, TN, dressed up as a s'more for Halloween as a family, got the worst behaved puppy in the world, had our first snow days (I only thought that would be possible if we ever moved to Tennessee), and collectively did some foreign mission work. I have learned that as a husband of a non-tomboy woman and dad of two not-even-close-to-being-a-tomboy girls, you learn to play several different roles for the sake of your women. This past year, I have been the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the assassin of closet monsters, the cushiony landing strip on the couch (we call it the "Run-N-Jump"), Goldie Lox (the girls were the 3 bears), and my favorite, daddy.

I wanted to share some things that I have learned in the past year. Hopefully I look back on this at some point and it benefits me or maybe someone else who's somewhere along this road.

1. Anyone who tells you marriage and/or parenting is easy is a liar. These are two legit challenges that are almost impossible to be completely prepared for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining by any means and Ashley, Audrey, and Addison are my 3 favorite people in this world. However, it takes some adjusting to go from single bachelor to married with two kids. Ashley and I have had our rough patches for sure, most of the time it's been my own fault, but I can tell you that going through those things makes you love someone even more. Ashley is my best friend. It's been that way since we started dating and I hope it stays that way forever. 
2. Anyone who says that marriage and parenting is a joy is a truth teller. One thing I will add is that I think making it a point to spend most of that time with my wife makes it the most beneficial. At some point the girls will grow up and move away and hopefully even get married....... to a millionaire!!! (kidding........ sort of....). When kids have grown up and moved out of the house, I don't want to have to rediscover the love I once had for Ashley. I want to grow even deeper in the love that has already grown so much. I want to enjoy the empty nest instead of simply sit and long for the kids to visit. I want to spoil grandkids with my bride. I want us to win the couples golf tournament together (I know, a little ambitious but a guy can hope, right?)
3. Embracing adult life isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I originally thought that I could never mature the way so many people would. I'll stand by some of the things that I loved as a kid and still love but a lot of it has changed. Cracker Barrel has become amazing all of a sudden. One of my goals this summer is to have a decent looking lawn. Video games are still fun. I just keep getting better with a grill and camping is more fun now than it used to be. Car seats in the back of my car reek of sexiness to my wife and so is the sight of me folding laundry so those things are kinda worth it.
4. Recovery time is absolutely vital. Now that I am in youth ministry and Ashley runs one of the bigger non-profit organizations in the city, we have a lot on our plate and can get stressed out. We both work with all different shapes and sizes of people and the jobs can be draining for both of us at various times. I think some of the toughest times we faced in our marriage this past year came when one or both of us were extremely stressed out. Recovery time together and sometimes even apart has been absolutely critical for us to be able to identify some negative impacts on our relationship as well as some positive ones. I heard it recently said that when God gave the Israelites the 10 Commandments, he made remembering the sabbath number 4 because in order to get commandments 5-10 down, we need to be well rested.
5. Never ever be too busy. Busyness is the number one excuse I hear from everyone all the time. This word is particularly prevalent after hearing the word "no". I have come to the conclusion that in this day, age, and culture, everyone is busy all the time and there are very few exceptions. Hearing it has become tiring. I have realized that claiming busyness as an excuse is more of an attempt to justify one's priorities than anything else. When I want to spend time with family, I make it a point to shove things aside for whatever time I can make. I don't want the girls to go through high school thinking that the only people we didn't minister to was them. 
6. Your kids will follow your example. When I first moved in with Ashley and the girls, they always wanted to do everything just like mommy and I was the guy who was simply along for the ride. As time has gone along, they have picked up different things that I might say or do or be into. Addison has gotten into watching Saved By the Bell on Netflix. Audrey has become very interested in her relationship with Christ. Addison will now eat frog legs. Audrey has expressed interest in playing basketball in the future. They both have taken up my love and joy for worship music (and in return I have experienced a renewed interest in Disney music). I have realized just how careful I must be at all times to set the right example. My safest bet is to just do what Paul said, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1).
7. My wife has reinforced my belief that she is the most amazing woman that I have ever met. Here is a short list of the things that she does on a weekly basis: wife, mom, PCC director, children's committee, youth ministry, junior service league, Huntsville leadership institute, amongst other things. Even with all of this on her plate, she still manages to be the woman that she is. She is patient with me as I learn my new role of husband and dad. She cares for people no matter what the circumstance and she never claims to be too busy. I still can't believe she picked me.
8. Your hobbies will take a backseat to your children's hobbies. I originally thought that this would be absolutely miserable but it has been a total blessing. The girls gave me my first pedicure a few months ago and it really wasn't that bad minus the feminineness. I no longer play video games at my house. We only have a Wii in my living room so that we can play Netflix on it. My Xbox 360 is currently in the trashcan. I am a lot better for that. I'm not nearly as engrossed with basketball as I used to be. The girls hate watching basketball (I know, I can't believe it either.) and for that matter that hate watching pretty much any sports not named Texas A&M football. I'm trying to convert them to at least pretending to care about Tennessee football but it's a real struggle so far.

There are more that could go up but I think I'll save some for later. I know that year two is already off to an amazing start and it will only get better, especially with Baby Lankford being on the way!!! We are so excited about this new addition. I can only assume that I'll have a lot more to be writing about giving all you readers (yea I'm talking to all both of you) some more material to make fun of me for. Regardless of whether you find this stuff funny, ridiculous, inspiring, or whatever else, this life is one of God's gifts to me and I am forever grateful.